We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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