This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
