Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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