Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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