Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
