Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize