Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
