Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
