on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
