guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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