States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
