evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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