people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My feet surprised me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
