yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
