He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
