you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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