The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've blown a few things in my day
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
