Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We have started to decorate penises.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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