I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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