I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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