Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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