you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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