After last night, I could never be a politician.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
