Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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