Pants 0. Shit 1.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
3pm strippers are depressing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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