i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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