If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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