he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize