Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
