i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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