Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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