How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
