I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
