i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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