my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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