She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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