just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
