I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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