Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
