i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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