i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
