There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
