1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no, he came in my armpit
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
