my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
