Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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