my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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