my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
