And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
