dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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