a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize