I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
