I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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