I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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