I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
