she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
