All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
