But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
