He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize