Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize