I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
