you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
