Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
