All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
