toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
