I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
