Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
