Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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