You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
