Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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