Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
