I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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