we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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